| I'm back... |
[31 Dec 2006|05:02am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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Pink-Just like a pill |
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So its been like forever since ive updated this shit so lets get down to buisness:
So....19 hours or less left in the year and i gotta say this was a big fucking year for me, ive:
fallin in love
fallin out of love
broke hearts
had my heart broken
met new friends
made even more enemies
found out my true friends
done some pretty bad things
and most of all.....i've changed...
Alot of people dont like how ive changed, i know ive changed alot but it happens...
hmm since im fucked up now off of my meds i should tell a story about the other day well
my sister came up to my room to me bein burnt out, she's known about all my drugs n shit and hasnt cared but she really hurt me this time....she called me a junkie, its true too...i'm afraid to say it but i am.
I have no job
i have no money
i dont know what to do,
everyday i rip my house apart to find money so i can get sum bud or shit like that and i cant stop, i want to but its soo fucking hard, like... my sister cried..for me
of all people me, i feel so low, because i am low, im fucking dirt, and people treat me like a good friend, brother, son, cousin, i dont know why some people are soo nice to me because they shouldnt, im not worth anyones time...
Well... as friends go...i'd be dead by now, i still miss my two closest friends more than life itself, kayla n brett, i love them soo fucking much and miss em, bridgets still close to me and so is colleen, alyssa and the others, megan is slowly fading from my life and cate is already gone, im single and i hate it, it sucks alot but it also gives me time to think about life and how shitty it is...
Ive recently found comfort and running from my problems so i go to quincy to chill and get high, ive relized how many cool people live there and how many people will go lower than me to get that "high" or that "buzz" but fuck man, im startin to feel like i should stay in my own town, i know some people there dont like me and i can tell...
So i have a plan for next year and it goes a little somethin like this:
I need to get a job, that is top priority
i want to find someone who is actually right for me,someone that would accept me for who i am and try to help me, and would maybe eventually love me...
i need to get my fucking liscence im already 18 and ill be 19 in october for god fucking sakes
i NEED to see brett or im gunna smack a bitch, same goes for kayla...i need them in my life
I need to be a better friend to those i havent spoken to in a while and those i see everyday
I want people to accept me...
What you see the change.. well what people think is a change
is
....the real me
what i wear
what i listen to
what i do
all my actions are based on who i am
so thoses who call me names
like
a poser
a stoner
a junkie
a druggie
a man whore
yeah i may be a fuckin man whore, stoner, junkie, druggie n shit but i dont follow people
i dont like to
Never follow the path less taken
make your own path
and if people dont like the things you do...
they can jus fuck off...
this is me
this is who i am
deal with it
~Matthew Joseph Feeney,stoner,friend,livin life once again...
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| its been a while... |
[05 Nov 2006|11:29am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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nothing |
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So im finally updating my livejournel and i dont really have much time haha. I'm going to my girlfriend's house in Westwood soon so yeah. Oh yeah i got a new gf, her name is Cate Leahy and she is amazing =). But yeah alot of shit happened and i dont want to get into it so i wont HA. But yeah i gotta go and ill jus leave with sayin im gonna update this more often now. payce.
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| its been too long |
[15 Oct 2006|07:13pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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down with the sickness- Disturbed |
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the last time i updated my live journal was on the 8th of october so yeah ive got alot to talk about but i rather summarize it.....
first.....
im 18 now i turned 18 on the 10th i had fun minus the fact the DMV wont give me an id so tehat sucks....
second....
things happened that i dont remember anymore until the 14th
homecoming was amazing i danced with meghan i danced with bridget, i had fun, meghan looked amazing she had a black dress with some red on it, i've never seen her look so beautiful before...
and now today i hung out with meghan all day and we had fun so yeah, i updated my live journal now.... happy? lol
payce...
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| I'm soo happy... : ) |
[08 Oct 2006|09:54pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Chasing cars- Snow Patrol |
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So today was strange...
it was ok to good,horrible to depressing, and sad to amazing...
i got my baby back, and thats all i care about : )
I love you meghan renee gorham <3
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| So yeahh im happy for once! |
[03 Oct 2006|09:28pm] |
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mood |
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For once im...happy |
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music |
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Welcome to the black parade- My Chemical Romance |
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Today has been a strange and somewhat relieving day for me, I woke up and went to meghan's house really early and we walked to school. School was ok but after school i had to go to the doctors for a physical and to get shots. Well i over came my fear of the doctors tryin to kill me and finally got my inoculations haha. I feel so relived now about that and the fact that my birthday is only 7 days away. I hope i get to see my sisters on the monday coming up cuz i miss them :(. But anyways.... im done writting payce!
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| save me by unwritten law: |
[01 Oct 2006|01:32am] |
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mood |
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everything's my fault |
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music |
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save me-unwritten law |
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Had a bad day, don't talk to me, gonna ride this out.
My little black heart breaks apart, with your big mouth.
I'm sick of my sickness. Don't touch me, you'll get this.
I'm useless, lazy, perverted, and you hate me...
You can't save me, you can't change me.
Well I'm waiting for my wake-up call, and everything, everything's my fault.
Went to the doctor, and I asked her to make this stop.
Got medication, a new addiction, fuckin' thanks alot!
Had to relapse, I'm outta rehab, ruins everything.
So point your finger, at the singer, he's in the pharmacy.
You can't save me, you can't change me.
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call, and everything's my fault.
You can't save me, you can't blame me.
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, and everthing's my fault.
And I'm a death threat, haven't slept yet,
baby why the wake up call?
I'm a bad boy, tell the tabloids, everything's my fault!
Whoa whoa yeah, write it write it!
Whoa whoa everthing's my fault, everthing's my fault.
I went to heaven, but couldn't get in, for what I have done.
I said 'Please take me!', he said 'You're crazy, you had too much fun.'
You can't save me, you can't change me.
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call, and everything's my fault.
You can't save me, you can't blame me.
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, and everthing's my fault.
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| bored soo boredd |
[01 Oct 2006|01:15am] |
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mood |
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 I'm not crazy!!! |
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music |
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Hailie's song-Eminem |
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Hello there lol, im soo bored and tired and i gotta pee but that isnt the reason im here, im here cuz...idk. Today, well technically yesterday was a very good day. It was my baby's birthday and our 4 month,we had soo much fun and i got my b-day gifts too. I got little nicky and silent hill dvds and some blank cds =). I love her soo much. Well other than that life really sucks cuz im grounded and theres shit floatin in my toliet bowl of life and i need to flush it lol well hopefully i get to visit my two favorite sisters today ( like wayyy later) so yeah... imma go... payce
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| At home... |
[29 Sep 2006|12:25pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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The Academy Is...-The Phrase That Pays |
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So I had to stay home today because of calling a teacher a dick. It really sucks too cuz im grounded but yeah. I miss school not cuz of learning but cuz of the people that are there. I also miss everyone else that i dont see soo much anymore like , kayla, bridget, courtney, and like the rest of the old gang. I feel like soo isolated, this sucks soo much, i didnt know how much i relized i needed others....I'm a lost little crazy boy in a big fuckin world...hopefully later will be better because i might see bridget :) and i'm going to the movies with my baby and faith , yay!! so yeah anyways.... i'll be updating this more now haha......payce
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| this sucks... |
[28 Sep 2006|04:04pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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Staring At The Sun- The Offspring |
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So im grounded begining october first until the end of that week, i am because i left a message on a computer to one of my friends stating that im really bored and mr.******(so i dont get in anymore trouble) is bein a dick, so they tell me that was considered a threat and i cant go into school tomorrow because im suspended so yeah... i really don't want to go into what else they said but yeah you get the big picture...i hope. Nuthin else is really going on cept my baby's birthday is in 2 days and our 4 month is on the same day...YAY!!! and then after that, my birthday is on the 10th and im turning 18!!! YAY AGAIN!!! so..... i'll probably update this tomorrow on my day home from school cuz of suspension....payce
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| what is insane? |
[24 Sep 2006|01:29am] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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I'm not ok(i promise)-MCR |
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wats crazy? wuts insane? i have no clue but after the past like 4 hours my mind has been distorted and shattered.... i feel as if i may be going insane... its 1:31 am, do u know where your mind?
~no fuckin clue~
~payce, i'll write tomorrow....maybe~
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| hahaha sorry... |
[20 Sep 2006|08:59pm] |
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mood |
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hahaha |
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music |
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these kids arent alright-The Offspring |
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For certain reasons, i forgot i had a livejournal lol, sorry, but anyways to recap the week...i cant remember anything, all i know is i dropped my phone into a bowl of soup and now i gots a new one thanks to my baby's bro. So yeah i dont feel like writing so maybe i will tomorrow....btw HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPH FEENEY!!! lol
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| old memories |
[14 Sep 2006|09:44pm] |
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mood |
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hahha i just like this one lol |
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music |
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Wings of a Butterfly-HIM |
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Somehow when the time gets near, i remember everything that happened last year at the same time of year...its weird lol but anyways, today was school meghan came over and we almost broke up :( but we didnt soo yay!! tomorrow brings more school and then senior pictures lol gawd... well yeah ill prob update tomorrow...byeeee
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| so yeahh |
[12 Sep 2006|10:09pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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nothin |
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So yeah maybe i lied, i updated a little late but its ok its not like anyone reads this....or do you or they lol well anyways today i woke up, went to school, chilled with meghan, i had a good day, i love her soo much and tomorrow shes coming over....yay!!! well anyways i suspect tomorrow to be the same as yesterday which was the same as today which was surprisingly the same as the day before lol, well ill (try) to update tomorrow, payce
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| Sundays... |
[10 Sep 2006|08:30pm] |
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mood |
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lol this mood is funny |
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nothing....yet |
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Well today i was woken up by my mom picking up my room then meghan showing up out of no where, after i actually woke up me n meghan just kinda chilled around the house for a couple hours, another day of doing nothing but yeah it was kinda fun lol, well anyways my sister gave us the rest of that anime series Chrono crusade so meghan took them home with her so she could watch the rest of it haha, but yeah schools tomorrow and i didnt read my summer reading book....whoops..ill update tomorrow.
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| countdown to 18:1 month |
[09 Sep 2006|09:48pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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taking back sunday-makedamnsure |
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So yeah today was ok, i chilled with meghan,we fell asleep...woke up at like 2 idk lol we slept alot then ate, watched some tv played some games, today was a layed back day lol. my sister brought over this anime called Chrno Crusade (yes thats how chrno is spelled) and we watched the first 5 episodes and meghan fell in love with it hahaha, but right now im jus chillin in my room talkin to people listenin to music so yeah...anyways i wonder what tomorrow will bring?...payce
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| first day of school-also the last |
[07 Sep 2006|08:22pm] |
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sleepy |
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nothing |
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So yeah today was my first day of school as a senior, i cant believe i made it this far, im surprised haha. But yeah anyways i woke up and stuff and got ready then i walked out to the bus stop and waited for the bus. Then out of no where drew pulls up and tells me to get in the car, haha i got a better way to school now :) but yeah i got to school and waited for meghan. We walked around for a bit then i went back to homeroom. All my classes are like right next to eachother but they seem boring. I only have 3 majors this year. SO i expect an easy year. The freshman tho....oh god there are soo many fucking freshman. I go to class...theres freshman in the halls...i go to pee....freshman in the bathroom....i go to lunch....well you get the idea. Theres alot of fucking freshman. Well since im tired i'll sum it up...being a senior is kinda boring lol well im tired soo peace...
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| today:1 day before senior year begins for me :D |
[06 Sep 2006|06:59pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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gym class heroes-cupid choke hold |
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So yea, i woke up at 6 today to see when the bus comes so i wont be late tomorrow, after that i waited in my room for meghan to come over, she got to my house around 8 30 then we both fell back to sleep, a couple hours went by and we woke up and went to the movies at 3, we saw step up and it was actually pretty good haha. but enough of that. after the movie ended we went back to my house then i took meghan home around 6, then went school shopping and well here i am now typin this. I'm really tired so yeah this is where i stop typing. I'll write more tomorrow on my final first day of school....OMG IM A SENIOR NOW!!!
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| today |
[05 Sep 2006|11:29pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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knights of cydonia-Muse |
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So yeah today was crazy hahaha, i ended up not sleeping til around 8 30. Then after that i woke up around 1 and meghan came over...we hung around my place til 4 and headed for the square....ok you better be reading this part cuz its the crazy part of my day...i was walking with meghan in the field and when we got to the playground, out of no where chewy comes and sucker punches me.. i didnt want to take that so i got him on the ground and punched him a bunch of times in the head and strangled him, he wanted to fight again and i didnt so i kicked him in the balls to leave me alone lol. Yeahhh i told you it was crazy but anyways after that we all chilled around the common til about 6 when meghan went home. I went to mcdonalds and was there til around 7 30 and met up with kat n kevin and ended up going back to mcdonalds...then i went home and ended up falling alseep til i woke up now lol so yeah that was my day...crazy, tomorrows a school night and i dont feel like typing anymore, see ya tomorrow...
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| this morning |
[05 Sep 2006|02:48am] |
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mood |
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moody |
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music |
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depressing music |
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So i'm awake cuz i keep waking up and i think... i don't have a live-journal, so i make one lol, i dont like how i feel right now though... i keep waking up, i feel depressed, and my chain my girl friend gave me when we started going out broke... and the weirdest thing is today would be 7 months if we didnt break up in april...so like basically 7 months today she gave me the necklace... i love Meghan soo much and like i hope we last a long time but yeah anyways... i wonder what i'm gonna do today... I'm wired and like i wanna do alot today hahaha. Oh god only 2 days til school and i only got clothes n shit bought i still need to get notebooks haha. Well yeah i'll just recap yesterday to fill up some space... I woke up with meghan here... we slept til like 1 pm i think,then colleen n kirby stopped by we hung out lol then everything gets blurry and i skip to now...i dont know why i cant remember anything lol well some of my close friends who read this would know the reason for my short term memory hahaha, well yeah enough of this...i'll update later with more to talk about, i like live-journal lol well see ya's....
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mattfeeney's journal